“Defying Gravity” or “Have I fallen? Do I really want to get up?”
I mean, really…. look at that sky! Actually, the feeling to write this came up on Friday night at Ecstatic Dance at the Joslyn Center. Instead, I waited until the end of a long workday yesterday, sitting with a rather tall glass of port (thanks, Jim) at the Sea Chest and Oyster Bar with my little journal. Cozy little spaces like that do so inspire me.
Here’s what I wrote:
“Last night at dance was the closest I’ve felt to that (defying gravity) in a really long time, to loose the bonds of gravity created by my leaden emotions, my heavy heart. It’s been difficult to do at best. No Fred Astaire nor Gene Kelly nor Ginger Rogers, certainly.
“But for some reason, I felt unusually light. Why? I still feel the longing in my heart for someone. What then? Have I just come to a point of acceptance, of knowing how to “step in time” with that “desire” standing on the tops of my feet (my fondest memory of my dad when I was a little girl) while I waltz through life? “
So, coincidentally tonight, I watched a TED talk on Vulnerability. I suggest watching it. Here’s the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/1042 It somehow summed up how I feel, my M.O., if you will. Of course this same modus operandi is what scared the last love of my life off. He couldn’t get it. And if I sent him this video to watch, a book to read or any other such communique he’d accuse me of trying to force my woo woo stuff on him. Sigh. BUT, this is good stuff!
Fast forward to earlier this evening… okay, back further and then to today… I posted on Facebook something about online dating services being sucky, someone made a suggestion about one which I followed up on and then, what do you know, some one in my own back yard with like 81% matches (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean). Scariest part is, he IS a bit like me- stepped right up and sent me his phone number! Message, message, message online and then WE’RE TALKING ON THE PHONE. This is scaring me. The whole “letting loose”, the concept of meeting someone via the computer, actually having something IN COMMON with them other than sex and some musical stuff….and I still have someone else in my heart. I think… And, I’m scared of losing the newfound independence I’m growing to love and, biggest of all, what if there really IS a possibility of more?
I tell ya, I’m puttin’ these feet back on the ground for a few minutes until I see where this is going because you know, when your feet aren’t under you it’s easy to get swept away. Maybe that’s why the earth seemed to have let up it’s pull under my feet the other night…